So geeky fact about me – I love a good psychic. I’ve had a handful of readings now but with the last three, I’ve been getting the same feedback; apparently… the psychics and the spirits agree; I have low self-worth. Say what?!
I’ve never really agreed with it if I’m honest. Am I an overthinker? Yeah. Am I actually very sensitive? Yeah. Do I worry relentlessly? Mmm yeah. But do I have a low opinion of myself? Nah. I actually think I’m doing alright with my life and who I am as a person, so no I didn’t really think so. To put the readings in more context, I was getting this feedback specifically when discussing past and future relationships. Again I know my self-esteem was knocked for a very long time, a long time ago, but I was sure I’d processed that in relationships and flings since, and put myself first. Plus how can you really change or address something like that if you don’t think it’s true?
Anyway, cut a long story short, and fast forward 8 months since my last reading, I found myself revisiting this idea that I don’t think very much of myself really, deep down. It started a few months ago when I started practicing mindfulness again for when I’m feeling anxious. It was originally recommended to me by my CBT Therapist a number of years ago (so medically improved) but I wasn’t practicing it regularly. That combined with being a lover of self-help books, I have been reading and learning more recently about the idea (I don’t know what else to call it), that you are actually not your thoughts.
Whilst mindfulness is being aware of your thoughts and letting them come and go to manage anxiousness, the idea that you are not your thoughts and you don’t have to believe them, left me thinking…so then where do they come from and if that’s not true, what do I believe instead?
Well the good news is that apparently you can change them to whatever you want to change them to (I’m not there yet) and I’m not talking about lying to yourself either. I’m talking about not believing the lies you tell yourself already because you really start to question how they got there in the first place.
If you are curious and aware of the thoughts that you’re having, then you will catch them and really see how you actually feel about yourself. In doing that myself in just the last couple of weeks, a lightbulb has gone off. OK maybe I do agree that a part of me does have low self-worth… sadly.
I know I’m an over-sharer on here, but being a recent realisation, I don’t really feel ready to reveal specifics but what I will say is that I’m becoming more and more aware of the way I talk to myself and the fact that it can be SO mean, is nothing short of mind-blowing.
We can all be our own worst enemies at times, but more than that, I make my life feel so much harder than it needs to be. So now that I’m becoming more aware, I’m feeling more equipped to change things to feel better and importantly, easier. It all ties in with the law of attraction, gratitude, manifestation, motivation and building a life you really deep down want but don’t have because you are in your own way too. So if you know about those theories already then you'll understand when I say that this is exciting.
As I’m just getting started there hasn't been much change yet. Doing “the work” is a little by little process because it involves overhauling habits of a lifetime but I do feel like I’ve given myself some control already, and taken back my power a bit. At the moment that looks and feels like trying really hard to not get derailed by an unknown future thanks to COVID19 (I work in travel – we’re currently fucked), not letting my anxiety bubble up, and keeping my own version of a routine as I am working from home for the first time. Importantly I’m trying even harder to be kinder to myself.
Honestly, I don’t know what or if there will be long-term effects of this new “awareness” or what making a daily effort to change the way I react to my own thoughts, is going to have. As someone who can suffer from depression, it does seem a lot healthier to work on it too, and not just punt along popping pills. Not that I am slating medication, I am just saying I don’t want to depend on that alone.
If you want to dip your teeny tiny toe into it, you can start with something as simple as practicing meditation. The Calm app you can get on your phone is amazing. I was recently listening to a series by Lebron James. So yes, it’s not just book worms who value the criticality of mental fitness to succeed; winners do.
There’s so much out there too in the form of books, online articles, public speaking events and of course life coaches. The most recent thing I did was a “She Grows” event in the form of an online seminar by The Completion Coach and Megan Rose Lane. A key idea being you get one shot at life, so do you really want to look back when your 80 years old, and think you held back, because you didn’t undo your own bullshit?!
The nice thing about lockdown (practicing gratitude right there!) is that there is so much more available remotely than ever before. Especially if you’re looking for a way to fill your time right now. Seriously, look into it because you’ve got absolutely nothing to lose. At the worst it’s not for you, at its best, it will open you up to tools for personal growth and a happier more effective mindset. Either way though you are going to at least consider another way of looking at how you feel.
So there we go, just thought I’d share because I’ve been feeling positive about where my life is headed since I’ve been learning about my own brain, and thought it was basically too good not to. Definitely a reason to end my recent hiatus on unimpressed too and share the wealth.
Hit me up with some feedback!
Yours,
Actually Impressed with Myself… Recently x
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