I shared on my Instagram page the other day that I was suffering from a Migraine after a sleepless night and no drugs. That night my head started hurting again and as I sat down on the sofa, I smashed my knee on the coffee table. My dog ran over right away to relentlessly lick my face while I was still face planted into the cushion and I burst into tears. Not because it hurt that much but because in that moment I felt really lonely.
Frankie was so sweet (which didn't help) and binge-ing "Love at First Sight Australia" all day definitely didn't help, but in that instant I was suddenly sad because I felt so poorly, topped it off with hurting myself and I had no one there to give me a cuddle and no one I wanted there to do it.
I will be the first person to say that I am extremely comfortable being on my own - I love my alone time (I need it in fact) and I am a extroverted introvert. I can only be social for so long before I'm like "OK I'm done, I'm going home" but when I am in a relationship that person is the exception my rules. Even if we're chilling at home together and I'm doing my own thing, I'm happier when that person is in close vicinity to me, whether we're talking or not. And on this night I realise that I do really miss companionship.
Having that person in your corner, who you can talk to about anything, and wants to know about your day no matter how mundane it is, who knows you inside out, gets you, doesn't assume the worst of you, and chooses to understand where you're coming from, is a comfort like no other. There is of course absolutely nothing wrong with being single, and enjoying it (I do) and I've been on both sides of the coin to know that the grass can seem greener whatever side you're on. That cuddle I wanted, I know there would have been some trade offs to have access to it.
But I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to be in the right relationship. Not for the long term reasons like marriage, babies, security either (although they would be nice) or for the social reasons like having a plus 1 at a wedding, not feeling like you have to explain why you're single, or feeling like a leper at a baby shower (they would be nicer). But for when your head hurts and you've smashed your knee, and there's someone there to give you a hug. And if that came with making me laugh through the tears and reminding me that I'm doing alright, well that would have been lovely too.
Yours Unimpressed with no Cuddle x
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